Criminal Therapist
by YokaiAngel
Summary: Mikado wondered when he lost his mind. Why else would he be giving relationship advice in the middle of the night to the Infamous Informant Izaya Orihira who just so happened to have a crush on a certain Monster of Ikebukuro? In the end, he ends up being the therapist for all of the odd people in Ikebukuro. (Cover art wanted! Any volunteers?) Poll on profile!


**Durarara 12/25/16**

 **Disclaimer; Don't own.**

 **All ideas you gain from this are free to use just PM me first so I can read your story!**

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* * *

 _Loberosis_

 _The desire to care less about things._

* * *

Mikado couldn't decide whether moving to Ikebukuro was the best or worst decision he had ever made. He was sleep deprived because his so-called-gang-leader-of-a-best-friend Kida had insisted on an all-night cram session for an upcoming test. The blue-eyed boy had woken that morning only to find that the blonde was already gone and that his fridge was completely empty.

The high schooler, in his foolish teenage adolescence, had decided to forgo breakfast until he had time to go shopping. He had gone to school absolutely exhausted, fell asleep during his test and therefore flunking it, served detention for sleeping in class and ended up walking to the shopping district in the rain while using his school jacket as a makeshift umbrella.

Kida, Mikado decided, was lucky he was a pacifist. Otherwise, his childhood friend would not have thought it was okay to treat him this way.

The ravenette had seemed to have gotten a stroke of good luck because it had stopped raining while he was inside the store. Of course, while he was walking towards his apartment he ran into the infamous Informant and Monster of Ikebukuro.

Izaya and Shizuo.

 _Together._

Murphy's Law along with Mother Nature and Fate dictates that they were fighting. They also decided that Mikado's day needs to be a little bit worse. Through himself out of the way of a flying vending machine, the high school student watched in despair as his groceries crashed onto the cement.

"Stop." Mikado's tone was soft but the fighting pair still managed to hear it. Both turning to face the glaring teen neither moving from their offensive positions.

Dull blue eyes were cool and crisp as Mikado stalked forward before he slipped his hand into a very surprised Izaya Orihara's jacket pockets. Both older men watched him curiously. Finding what he wanted Mikado pulled out the red-eyed man's wallet and retrieved the money to repurchase his groceries.

Izaya blinked before grinning, "–Want to explain what you're doing?" The informant tilted his head to the side.

Mikado smiled brightly, "Getting money to buy more groceries that _you two_ damaged," He chirped brightly.

Shizuo stared at the small, drenched boy. Who, was quite possibly the bravest (or stupidest) person in all of Ikebukuro right now. Grudging respect wormed it's way through his system as the kid meet the flea's gaze unflinchingly.

"Oh?~" Izaya sang grinning like the cat that conned another out of a canary, "And how was that our fault? You didn't dodge~ Not our problem!"

Izaya waited for the explosion of temper. It was rather obvious that Kida-kun's shy childhood friend had a rather atrocious day. Instead, Mikado calmed down. Giving the vexing older man a bright smile he used the man's shirt to tug the other down to high school student's eye level.

"Listen," Mikado hissed, "I don't care if you two have a _ridiculous_ amount of unresolved sexual tension. Have hate sex, get married–"

Shizuo and Izaya's jaws dropped in complete surprise.

–I don't care just hurry up and fuck each other already and leave the rest of the town out of it!" He cooed before shoving the taller raven-haired man towards the blonde and walking back to the grocery store.

Shizuo blinked, anger forgotten and stared at the bundle of Izaya gather in his arms. Izaya stared back. Neither totally sure what to do in this situation.

* * *

Several blocks away Erika broke into a grin, "Oh!~~ My yaoi senses are tingling! Something exciting is going to happen!~"

Saburo Togusa swerved off the road and into an alleyway. A homeless man dove out of the way. Walker Yumasaki and Kyouhei Kadota crashed into the van wall and gazed up at her in horror.

Her yaoi senses were _never_ wrong.

 _Never._

* * *

It was three days later at midnight when Mikado heard a persistent knocking on his apartment door. Climbing out of bed he managed to stumble his way through and fling the door open with what was probably

At his door stood a grinning smirking Izaya Orihara, "Why hello~" He sang.

The teenager stared blankly at the informant before slamming the door shut and crawling back to his bed, burying himself in his blankets and ignoring said older man's existence.

A few minutes later his blankets were abruptly ripped off of him by a rather annoyed informant. Mikado stared up at him before sighing, "I'll make some coffee."

Mikado sighed sipping coffee at the table in his kitchen.

"This is all your fault," Izaya moaned his voice muffled as he buried his face against the wooden surface.

"How" Mikado deadpanned "Is this _my_ fault?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe if you hadn't suggested it I would still be able to look at him without the thought occurring!"

The younger snorted before rolling bright blue eyes, "It would have come up eventually. You should be glad it wasn't after you screwed each other."

Izaya stopped for a moment before calming himself down, "Who said that we would ever have sex?!" He asked.

Mikado raised an eyebrow, "Are you saying that you've never thought about your beloved 'Shizu-chan' tearing off your clothes, fucking you through the mattress, whispering sin in your ear as you slowly come undone?"

Color rushed to the older raven's pale cheeks his eyes dilated slightly. Mikado breathed in sharply as the puzzle clicked together.

"Orihara-san… have you and Heiwajima-san _actually–…?_ " The high school student left the question hanging in the air for a moment before taking the man's silence as his answer.

Izaya took a calming sip of his tea. He took a deep breath before he finally admitted, "Once. When we were nineteen. Just out of high school. He was drunk. Doesn't remember." His voice cracked slightly a modest flush rising to his cheeks as his nails dug into his skin through his black jacket, "I… I was considerably less so."

Mikado paused, before gently rubbing the other's back. The confession made him wonder whether Izaya had ever truly hated Shizuo. Or at least how long Izaya had been attracted to the man he called a monster. Whether all the games he played with the debt collector were his way of trying to get over the blonde.

Absorbed in the not-exactly-comfortable-but-not-uncomfortable silence he knew Izaya was taking a small risk by telling him this. He could potentially tell someone that could potentially tell someone else, someone that Izaya knew.

Someone like Shizuo.

However telling the blonde directly would probably backfire. The man would suspect it was one of Izaya's plots or someone trying to get into the blonde man's head.

They didn't trust each other. That much was obvious. However, it wasn't a habit of the blue-eyed boy to tell someone's personal secrets and Mikado had a feeling that Izaya could read people well enough to realize he wasn't going to tell anyone. Even Kida and Anri. They were his friends, yes but they kept secrets from him as well.

Mikado knew these secrets and although he wasn't an informant like Izaya he was a scarily good hacker. If it was online he could find it and nowadays almost _everything_ could be found online or could be linked to an online device.

Mikado took another sip of his coffee.

"I am so screwed." Izaya groaned.

"Yeah," At this point, he knew he was just taunting one of the most dangerous men in Ikebukuro but Mikado gave a mocking half-grin and said, "by Shizuo." It was the boldest statement he'd said in years and it could potentially get him killed but it was worth it to see the look on the other man's face.

Izaya grabbed a nearby pillow and screamed into it. Mikado laughed. Seeing the older man lose his mind was almost worth being woken at two in the morning. They both settled in companionable silence.

"So how _didn't_ you realize you realize that you liked him after you had drunken sex with five _years_ ago?"

The next day Izaya was gone before Mikado woke up. That morning he bought plaster to reseal the holes that Izaya had made with his knives. Later he'd admit to himself that he deserved it, even though he couldn't quite bring himself to regret it.

If Mikado found Izaya's phone number stored in his contact list then that was no one's business but his own.

Something told him that he and Izaya would be spending a lot more time together.

* * *

 _The trouble is,_

 _you think you have time._

 _-Buddha_


End file.
